I must have writer’s block. Or maybe I just have too much to write about (maybe that IS writer’s block! :)) Whatever it is, I am having a hard time writing lately. Mostly I have had some experiences that are hard to put into words.
While I love reading and writing, I feel words do not do spiritual learning justice. There are moments in time, spiritual healings, that when put into words and published on the internet, seem diminished.
It seems lately I am surrounded by death. I know there are times in our lives when we all feel this way. There are times when it seems a lot of people around us are dying. Sometimes we will say it happens in three’s. I think lately I have lost count.
First of all, at the beginning of this week, I was in shock at the announcement of spiritual and self-help movement leader Wayne Dyer’s passing. I had just watched him all day on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday. He was completely healthy and vibrant. He had many speaking engagements lined up, even at the upcoming I CAN DO IT conference. Wayne was 75 years old and died suddenly in his sleep from a heart attack. It was a shock to everyone who knew him.
I felt I knew Wayne Dyer. I had listened to all of his tapes, read his books, and watched him on Oprah. I could not believe how I was affected by his death. I put something on Facebook like; “Wayne Dyer, you have deeply influenced me in so many ways”… After I wrote it, I thought, I have seen a million other people write things like that. I don’t think I really knew what it meant until now.
Because to say words is one thing, but to live them and feel them is completely another. That is why we can read spiritual texts like A Course in Miracles, but to actually apply the principles to our lives is something very different. We can go to church and listen to a sermon, but how often do we leave and do the things suggested? Learning, reading, and listening is great. But it is not until we DO that we really KNOW.
And I guess that is what I have experienced lately. As I get back into doing the Course in Miracles workbook lessons and applying them through the day, I am changing. I am back in the flow. As I listen to Marianne Williamson’s weekly lectures and Ken Wapnick’s lecture on Living a Course in Miracles, I have experienced an ancient knowing that was with me all the time but covered up by the distractions of this world.
Death also brings us back to that knowing. It brings us back to what is important. I read about a meditation technique in the book Mindfulness, Meditation, and Mind Fitness by Joel and Michelle Levey. The technique is to picture yourself on your deathbed (stay with me here, I know that doesn’t sound pleasant). It says to picture what will be important as you look back on your life. Will it be the stress of your todo list, or will it be the relationships and special moments you had? Will it be an afternoon with your grandson, or will it be proving that you are right in an argument with your husband? We all know the answers to this. All the petty stuff will go away and you will be left with what matters. Sigh. How nice, clarity.
Death doesn’t scare me. I read something recently that says anyone who says that death doesn’t scare them is in denial. I had to laugh out loud! Maybe someone would say I am in denial (it’s not just a river in Egypt), but that’s okay. I have a knowing inside of me that no one can take away. I don’t just believe, I know. I know God is with me, and I know my human body has nothing to do with it. I know the same is true for everyone.
I also know we cannot begin to wrap our minds around the tragedies of this insane world. The Pastor at my church, Mary Zajac, lost her son Andrew last week. Andrew Zajac was a firefighter and died fighting the wildfires in Washington last week. Andrew was a hero. But that does not take away the pain that his loved ones are facing from this loss.
Tragedies such as this make many people question the existence of God. I don’t know, but for me I find God closer in these times. I am not trying to make sense of these experiences, but I am saying what happens to me during them. Reverend Thomas Walker gave the sermon at Baker Memorial United Methodist Church (where Mary is the pastor) on Sunday. He talked about how in The Bible, Jesus wept with Mary and Martha at the death of their brother, Lazarus. Reverend Walker talked about how we can weep with the family through this loss. What else is there to do?
I was also listening to Marianne Willliamson on livestream this past monday (https://livestream.com/accounts/11464019/events/4296425), and she also spoke of when Jesus wept. When we weep together, as a family, as a town, as a state, as a nation, and as a world, we lift each other up. We show each other that we will not look away and that no one is alone in their suffering.
When we are truly able to see this and do this on the earth, much of the unneeded suffering will go away. We will not allow war. We will not allow senseless violent crime. We will not allow starvation. Because we are all one. We are all God’s children. We are all in this together.
Marianne Williamson speaks of the three days between the crucifixion and resurrection. This was a time of grief, loss, and pain. But Jesus was risen up. And it all made sense. The time did come. And it will for us too.
Love and peace,
Flickr Creative Commons: Len Matthews, tears a stairway to heaven. https://www.flickr.com/photos/mythoto/17961451285/in/photolist-tnc8Gz-eTLNsM-5NhqpV-8pxx8x-hdDRfJ-b5E7Ep-irjUR-64VQZL-8rHa6U-6BdRse-dLzrhH-6cbcJf-rLNLCn-as6jsV-6xb8oH-cymmyj-6pU1rD-4cNtgt-4RN223-aYvfcR-4myfZU-3sXBmz-8jPKKw-6uHGfr-9NwRaR-b6h8rK-86fsE-hbaKVU-emxL2u-5qtcis-cTX54W-ddoCQr-4fm99U-6rgNSA-7ggUqp-x1hRx-9Jzsei-8odVFZ-dX9kJv-6zUAe4-63cxrd-83vB2m-x92bAR-8gg9qv-6QJdyp-4zqEwU-rxxGAc-5LDsTX-7yujG9-and8Ej/.
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