I had the desire to title this “Assertiveness for Dummies,” but I didn’t. But if I were to come across a book called “Assertiveness For Dummies”, I would probably read it…
Last week in The Magic of Assertiveness Part I, we discussed three simple spiritual steps to assertiveness. These steps are:
- Send the person with whom you are having difficulties love.
- Visualize how you want to feel when you leave the interaction.
- Don’t expect perfection from you or anyone else.
Did anyone try these steps? Please let me know if you did and how it went!
This week we are going to go deeper into assertiveness by discussing energetic boundaries. If you are an empath who absorbs the pain of the world, you will want to read this. I am going to give you a tool to protect and help yourself from darker energies. When you have the proper energetic boundaries, your life (career, relationships) are free to thrive.
Click the link below to watch the video, or just keep reading below!
“Life coaching takes you from functional to fabulous.” Cara Alwill Leyba
The whole purpose of getting a life coach, or even reading this blog, is to help you go from “functional to fabulous” as Cara Alwill Leyba so elegantly puts it. Yes, you can function the way you have been functioning, but wouldn’t you rather be fabulous? You can only live a fab life if you are taking care of your energy.
Let me tell you a personal story of taking on another’s pain. When I was one-year-old, my 13 year old cousin got hit by a truck while riding his bike, and he died. His parents were my aunt and uncle. They have both since passed away, but growing up, I was very close to them.
Many years later, my uncle passed away. I was a senior in college when he passed away at age 77 from congestive heart failure. I do not think it was a coincidence that his heart was broken.
Two months after my uncle passed away, my cousin (their daughter) passed away suddenly and tragically from a rare blood disease. She joined her father in heaven only two months later. My aunt was still alive left to deal with the death of her 13 year old son (from years earlier), her soulmate husband, and her beautiful daughter.
I went to stay with my aunt for a week in Florida over my spring break that year. During that trip, when I was a senior in college, my aunt explained to me that it was me who saved them when their son died. I was a baby, and she said, I brought the joy back into their lives. My one-year-old-life did the best it could to fill the black hole that was left after tragically losing a 13-year-old son.
As much light as my life had, that black hole was big. I even found myself lost in it.
I had know idea. How could I have known? I was just being a one-year-old. I was really close to my aunt and uncle growing up. They were like second parents, but I never knew how much I helped them when their son (my cousin) died.
My aunt did not want me to go home that spring break trip. She said if I stayed with her, she would have a reason to get up in the morning. I felt myself falling deeper into that hole that I just couldn’t fill.
I was heartbroken, because of course I couldn’t stay. My aunt and uncle had moved to Florida, and my aunt’s life was there. I had to go back to school and my life. But a part of me could not leave her, and a part of me didn’t.
A few years later, I was seeing a therapist who did hypnotherapy. One session, when I was trying to rid myself of this horrible depression and anxiety that plagued my life, somehow the past trauma of my aunt and uncle’s story came up.
The therapist asked me to imagine the emotional pain from this situation, and put it all into a pile right in front of me. She asked me how big is the pile? I told her it was to the sky.
The therapist asked me how much of this pain belonged to me? I told her some of it. That was when I realized it was not all my pain. The therapist asked me to go ahead and put the pain where it belongs. So I did, and suddenly my pile of pain was much more manageable.
The thing is, you cannot digest another’s pain. I could not take my aunt’s pain as my own, because it was not my own. When you give another’s pain back to him/her, it is not a mean or bad thing for them. Everyone has the capacity to handle their own pain. You do not have the capacity to handle everyone’s pain.
This was by no means my aunt’s fault. We incarnate into this life for a reason, and my aunt, uncle, and I were put here together on purpose. I absorbed their pain unconsciously on both our parts.
But once you realize the pain isn’t yours, you can put it where it belongs. By giving the pain back to the person, you are telling that person that you believe in him/her. You can hold her hand while she digests and handles her own pain. When you show her you can handle your pain, she knows she can handle hers.
I believe we carry the pain of our ancestors. I believe we absorb other’s pain all the time. This is why it is so important to take care of your own energy. Clean up your side of the street, as Yoko Ono says. You are a warrior god/goddess. You have a very specific and important job here. You cannot afford to be weighed down by the pain of the world. The world needs you to show it that its pain can’t hurt you. Only then, are you both truly free.
Now for a meditation exercise. The exercise is in italics below. You can record yourself saying it, or you can listen to me saying it in the above video. If you want further help with this, please contact me for a coaching session. Everything in the attached form is confidential.
(note: I made the pain smaller for this exercise so nothing too deep, that you may not be ready to handle without the help of a professional, comes up. If you feel you are dealing with something deeper, please contact me for a life coaching session or find yourself a good spiritual life coach. For this exercise, we start small. This is not to be used as a substitute for therapy.)
Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths as you feel your body becoming nice and relaxed. Now on the inhale, say the world “I” to yourself, and on the exhale say “am”. I……am. I…..am. I….am. I…am. I….am. When your mind wanders, just come back to your breath, and those words, I….am. I….am. Now we ask God and the angels and the highest light and truth to protect us during this exercise. Now that you are nice and relaxed, I want you to let a recent situation come to you where you may have absorbed a little bit of another’s pain. It could have been a loved one was dealing with something difficult. It could have been something in the news that latched onto you. Imagine it as a small pile of emotional pain sitting in front of you. This is not a big huge pile of pain, but just something small, and it may not all be yours. The purpose of this exercise is just to experience what it feels like to give the pain back to whom it belongs. Trust that God and your angels know how much pain you are ready to look at for this exercise. It is okay if you do not know who the pain belongs to, because sometimes we absorb the pain of our ancestors. With God and the angels help (they know where it belongs) put the pain back where it belongs. Just let them take the pain from you knowing that whosever pain it is, only the owner can handle it. By giving it back to them, we show that we believe in them. We know they are warriors just like us. We can be there and hold their hands while they digest and handle their own pain. Now we are free to digest and handle ours. We thank and honor them for being a part of our lives (whether physically or spiritually). And we can all go off on our happy and free ways knowing that, together, each person in and out of this world is able to handle whatever pain they have, because love and light is so much stronger than any pain of this world. Now imagine a white protective light surrounding you. This light keeps the pain of the world out and only lets love in. Now you feel lighter. You have lightened your load. And you go on with a skip in your step, knowing, that love will prevail. It always does.
Your Highest Light, LLC