Today is the New Moon! This is a perfect time to release any past hurts! It also just so happens that I came across the PERFECT blog that I wrote (for no one else’s eyes but my own) ON A NEW MOON 3 YEARS AGO! Today I’m releasing it to the world knowing that it will fall gently into the right hands at the right time, and together we will be lifted above the pains of this world “to the limitless peace that lies beyond.” Marianne Williamson
I originally wrote this for myself, but I am sharing it now for anyone suffering from the loss of a relationship or suffering from the continuing of a relationship. It is for anyone left hungover from the vulnerability high of completely giving yourself to someone only to be left wondering what the hell just happened. It is for the person who dared to fall in love with the mysterious, the dangerous, and the heart-breaker.
When I write, I stir my soul. My heart beats fast, and my divine nature flutters free.
“I choose the joy of God instead of pain.” A Course in Miracles lesson for today that fits perfectly with the new moon and releasing my past.
Experts say the New Moon today may bring up old things that need to be cleared. It did for me. An old boyfriend of mine reappeared in my life. It was a definitely a gift as I realized stuff I had put away long ago needed to be set free. Before you start judging a now happily married woman, let me explain.
He was handsome. He was tall. He was dark. He was deep. He was my answer. Looking into his eyes, I saw my soul. I loved the way he spoke. His finger could merely brush my arm, and my skin would tingle as if he was setting my soul free with his touch. He was my Prince Charming.
He and I, we floated together. The world stopped when we were together. It stopped for us. He was my addiction. I could get lost for days/weeks/months/years in thoughts about him.
But there were many things not right. Something did not add up. He said the perfect things, but then he was gone. The relationship (if you can even call it that) was so unhealthy and scary. I was deeply in love with a phantom. And what do we know about phantoms? They leave as fast as they come.
At the time, given the chance to be with him forever, I probably would have forgotten everything and everyone else in my life whom I loved. I would have forgotten who I was and ended in self-destruction. The thought of ending up in that relationship now scares me to death, sending a shiver down my bones and a quiver to my soul.
When we ask God for a specific person as a relationship partner for life, The Secret Daily Teachings teaches us “If The Universe isn’t delivering, then the message is loud and clear: I just checked twenty years ahead, and the bliss and happiness you deserve will not happen in this relationship”. That is so obvious to me now. I would have ended up lonely, no self-esteem, and probably still waiting.
The force between us was strong, and the energy was high. In the end, none of that mattered. I am not sad it happened anymore. Now I can smile, be glad it happened, and leave it in the past. It is part of me, and I love it. I no longer have to fear it. I can forgive him and myself. It is over, and for that too, I am glad.
I look upon my husband now with deep love and relief. He is where I belong. He is where I am home. I have never felt so safe. Creating and maintaining my happiness is his life mission. He would never torture me. He would never leave me. He actually worships me. His is the love I deserve.
I am now thankful for the past relationship, because it showed me my strength. I am better than the mystery and the anguish that it brought me. I don’t need the hangover that comes from the highs followed by the severe let downs. That silly prince who (literally) once climbed my balcony with a bouquet of flowers in his teeth only to disappear with the morning dew has been replaced by a king who stays the day and sits next to me on my throne. Together, we have created a life of true magic, not of fragile fantasies.
For anyone reading who is suffering the loss of a relationship like the one I speak of above, it is so hard. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. No words can describe the pain. It feels so unfair. It feels so offensive. But it gets better. To me, it is merely a nightmare from which I have awoken. It is time for you to start to awake too.
While I believe deeply in romance, another person is never your answer. If you are making him your answer, you are mistaking. It is okay. It does not mean you can’t trust yourself. It just means you need to choose again. This time choose yourself.
You deserve better, for you are a queen. You are not a wimpy princess. The Universe has something better in store for you. Your feelings are real, and be thankful for that, but God wants something better for you. God knows. I know too. You can do it, for this experience is only making you stronger. Imagine me, someone who has been there, holding your hand and guiding you to the truth, and your true king.
If you are in a difficult relationship, and need help, please contact me. I offer life coaching and also angel tarot card coaching. We can do one or both to help you get one step further to choosing yourself and finding your king.
Peace, Love, and True Kings and Queens,
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(All the pictures in the blog are taken by me of the Radiant Rider-Waite Tarot Deck)