At first I titled this blog “Connect With What You Want in 2021,” but that didn’t feel quite right. Nope. Not after the year we had in 2020. It’s not really about what we want. It’s more about who we are. I believe that when you connect with you are really ARE, then what you want follows as less important.
So who are you? Have you asked yourself this question lately? Let’s back up the truck a second and connect.
By the way, I did a video (for the first time in a year) on this topic! If you prefer to watch the video, click below to watch. Or just keep reading.
Stop and be still for a moment. Take a minute to check in with yourself. What are you valuing right now in this moment? If you aren’t sure, pay attention to how you are feeling. Are you feeling calm, opened, and connected? Or are you feeling stressed, scattered, and disconnected? Or maybe a little of both? It’s all okay.
If you are feeling calm, opened, and connected, then chances are you are choosing thoughts and actions aligned with your true values. I will discuss below what values actually are. If you are feeling calm, opened, and connected, chances are you can tell me right now what you are valuing. Calm, opened, and connected creates clarity.
(photo from the “I am” app)
If you are feeling more stressed, scattered, and disconnected, it is totally okay. Don’t judge it. Believe me, I feel that way sometimes too. What I have found, though, is that if I ask myself what I am currently valuing in those moments, it’s usually something that I am not consciously choosing to value. For instance, if I am feeling stressed, then many times I am valuing control over trusting my spiritual connection (spirituality is a main value of mine). So when I’m stressed, I usually have my values messed up and turned on their heads, upside down and backwards. It’s basically a playground for compounding unnecessary stress and anxiety. The EGO (the part of you that edges God out) LOVES this confusing playground.
By the way, when you notice you are in that playground, it’s a good thing, because you NOTICED. You can simply become aware of it. Don’t judge it. Look around and see where you are. Then get up and leave. Really you can do just that. You’re an adult, and you get to choose your playground.
I cannot emphasize enough that it is OKAY to feel stress or anxiety. These are not “bad” emotions. All emotions have messages for us. More on this in later blogs. I just want to be clear to not demonize stress. Healthy stress is valuable. It’s when we get caught up in this constant cycle of unnecessary stress and trauma that is damaging to our mental and physical health.
So back to clarity about what you are valuing in this moment. I am always asking my clients what their values are, so usually my clients are pretty clear after they have been coached by me. But many times when a client first starts with me, they have no idea what their values are or what values are in general. And believe me, it took me some time to be clear and understand what values really are. What I’m trying to say is it’s okay if you aren’t clear on what your values are or what values even really mean. I think it’s quite common.
Google defines a value as “a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.” A value is something we strive for. It’s an idea. It’s not a thing. According to how I define values, “Family” is not really a value, because it’s a living breathing thing. If you value family, then “connection” or “togetherness” might be the idea that you are valuing. We don’t wake up one day having reached our values, no. We constantly must check in and take steps towards our values. Do not make the mistake of attaching your values to a particular person or thing. People and things can be taken from us. Values can’t. This is why they are so important.
As Marianne Williamson said recently, “When everything around us is changing, we need to cling to what doesn’t change.”
If anything 2020 taught us is that much of what we thought was certain is actually quite uncertain. This is why now more than ever, we need to figure out what are values are moving forward. A Course in Miracles says, “Nothing real can be threatened, and nothing unreal exists”. Think of your values as something that cannot be threatened. Your values are your treasure.
It’s really cool, because your values are completely and utterly up to you. You can choose to value anything you want. This is pure freedom. After all, “Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice…No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and breath out.” Thich Nhat Hanh
Think of qualities that you want to embody most. Those are your values. I like to make myself (and my clients) pick one to three values, because otherwise,…too many to remember. So saying my values are: spirituality, inner peace, and emotional freedom. Does it end there? No. We must align our thoughts and actions. That is why I ask, what are you valuing in this moment? It’s because we forget. We need to write out values out, and remind ourselves of them often.
And when we are having unwanted emotions, we need to check in with what we are valuing to see if it needs to be adjusted. THEN we can take small steps towards those values no matter how we feel. That’s when life gets good.
Let’s end with a little meditation for your 2021. You will pick one word/value for this year, and I want you to hold it close.
(From the “I Am” App)
Take a minute to put both feet on the floor, uncross your legs and arms, slowly lengthen your lower spine, and open your chest. Make sure your shoulders are in line with your hips and your head in line with your shoulders. Take some longer, deeper, slower breaths. Slow down. Let things settle. See a golden ball of light in your mind, and now allow that light go to any tense parts of your body. Feel your body relaxed yet alert. Now take a minute to connect with your Wise Mind. That is the part of you that knows the best choices for you. It’s the wise/adult part of you. It’s the part of you that acts in your behalf, that takes care of you and loves you. It’s the part of you that just knows what is best. It takes into account feelings AND logic. Sometimes this part of you can be felt in your stomach as a “gut instinct”. Feel that connection and how good it feels. Now step back and allow that part of you to lead the way. This is your true Self. This is who you really are…. Now allow that part of you to give you a word, a quality you want to embody for 2021. Just one…. maybe two words. That’s all you need. Nice and simple.
That word is a gift to you from your true Self. That word is what you would like to value moving forward. This is gold. So let’s do it! Keep this word close to you at all times. Give yourself reminders during the day. Ask yourself, what am I valuing right now? Give yourself permission to value your word. If it changes throughout the year, it’s fine. But always have a value or two that you keep close. Choose to value your word for 2021 above all else, and see what miracles happen for you.
Peace, Love, and Stay True to You,